Be-friending the Devil

Understanding victimhood and reclaiming

self-Sovereignty.

Imagine yourself facing a turquoise and radiant River. The sun is beaming, the birds dance in the wind currents swirling over the river’s movements. The soil under your feet is moist and alive, giving off sweet mossy scents and a rich earthen musk.

An urge begins to tickle your senses, entering softly only to sting you. Now all you can think of is to enter this fresh Goddess, the River. You are mesmerized by it’s brilliance love overtakes you.

You enter, it is cold and shocks your every cell. Perhaps you let out a sigh or a yelp feeling you bordy tense in response to the sharpness. Messages are sent through every branch of your nerves; “potential danger” they say. All of your muscles, your fascia, you cells, you skin and organs. tense up in response to this message. The entire system gears up to protect itself.

Now you are faced with a choice. Do you swim up stream, exerting huge effort with the promise to conquer the power of this River? or do you shift your hold, let go and let yourself be taken, embraced by the caressing currents of this sweet Lady?

Having made your decision, you begin to swim up stream. Power courses through your body, Your heart speeds up pumping blood, your breath expands and quickens bringing potent nourishment. Your senses sharpen. You can now taste glory. After a moment warmth floods your body and the exertion brings pleasure and a deep sense of aliveness. You become stronger and even think yourself more powerful than the river, perhaps, you begin to think, I am also a God!

What you have not yet realized, clouded by this sense of power and false safety, is that your system is still functioning according to the message of danger. All of your movements and activities within your body are anchored in this message, You are still in fight or flight. The output of energy is massive. As you push, cutting through the strong currents of the river, your focus becomes restrained; you are not paying attnetion to the river’s currents and it’s nuances. You are not feeling the warmth of the sun kissing your skin or finding yourself enchanted by the raven’s song. You are against the current, against life and this is continuously being reenforced by the messages of fight or flight.

For awhile, you find potential joy in this, or at least there is a sense of achievement. You are getting stronger, better at pushing out the pains and aches of such huge effort, better at quieting the thoughts bubbling in your mind. Your senses are sharp and the exuberant feeling of power continues to offer sweet promises,.. But, after some time your tense muscles, organs, nerves and cells all begin to lose steam. There is no end to the river’s power. Energy becomes hard to find, and your body screams but still you swim against the current. This is your ultimate belief; You must conquer the river, you must survive and protect yourself at all cost… There is no safety for you.

Your breath shortness, quickening in strangled gulps, your organs weakens and new messages start to course through the branches of the nervous threads of your body. Tension has taken a hold. Fear enters and begins to root itself deeply into your inner landscape. The signals bring alive the voices of Fear; “We will drown!” they say…

Death watches, saddened. Striking panic sends your whole being into even more tension but by now you are an expert at pushing it aside, storing it all in the messy corners of shadowy rooms. You find that power has left you, cold begins to slither in, strangling your throat, freezing your weakened muscles. You forget where you are, what you are doing and even who your are. The only focus left is to survive and it is propelled further and further by your fear of Death. “It was not meant to be like this.” “This is not my time!” “I have so much i did not do!”…

Death is inevitable.. Your organs begin to fail, disease takes over, you are weak and in pain but still you push on through now barely moving. The River, she who loves you as her child, weeps, you are dying by her hands through no choice of her own. Death too weeps. This is not how it is meant to be. Death does not want to be feared, taking you away kicking and screaming. This time is meant to be a celebration, a reunion of old friends.

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Now, let us go back in time. Regaining the awe of the moment when the River sang sweet melodies to your inner heart. When you stood there naked and exposed to the sun’s joy of you are. As you watch the current, mesmerized, you notice the impulse to enter and merge with the River, this beautiful Goddess. Slowly you walk in and immerse yourself into the cold embrace of the shimmering water. Perhaps you let out a sigh or a yelp. Your system sends a message “Potential Danger”. You whole system engages in tension. You are now faced with two choices again…

This time, you smile, observing the beauty of the world. The birds chirp in pleasure as they swirl. You feel a fish caressing your leg and smell the fragrance of sweet moss and pine sap. You take a long deep breath letting a sigh blossom out. Your system declares “danger is passed, all is well.” All of your cells relax, and go back to doing the work they cherish. They are like little honeybees, collecting nourishment, cleaning, tending and loving the wholeness of who you are. The system is functioning optimally in complete harmony and integrity.

You soften, offering it all to the river’s flow and as you do the current takes you. You gently swim with it, in love for what is. At times, you swim powerfully with the current, feeling power coursing through while you breath expands and your body strengthens. Your efforts are welcomed and enhanced by the movements of the river. You are a fish, agile it it’s embrace and subtle shifts. You slow down as the river slows, enjoying the warmth of shallow pools. You take in the Raven’s flight and tears of joy flow down your face. Grief washes over you, the two mingling like lovers as you realise this cannot go on for ever. This knowing brings more love into your heart, your organs, muscles, skin, tissues, rejoice with you.

The water is still cold, at times, and there are rapids that require you to be alert, using strength and power. Always, once the challenge has passed, you soften back, the delicate petals of your skin dancing in clear waters. You breath deeply with keen awareness.

Soon, you notice the sea and at it’s mouth Death stands. You watch Death with a smile trembling upon your plump lips, heart dancing. The river continuously moves through you and around you. You arrive at the edge and step out, kneeling to kiss the ground. You are radiant all Sovereign. No words are needed, your loves exudes out of you and all of creation celebrates your beauty; you are in love, together, one.

There is a knowing, it is your time. The river knows too and you begin to weep in both joy and sorrow; your tears are drank as libations. You turn to Death feeling yourself unravelling. Your whole being is relaxed, soft and open. Death watches you fondly, admiring you courage and exquisite essence. This old friend has missed you. You walk slowly towards Death, thanking the river and all of creation as you unravel more and more into esctasy. You are God as you give yourself to Death.

Death kisses you and you find yourself facing a different river. It is golden, shimmering, at times turquoise or amber. You smile. You know this river, you kneel and kiss the ground, smiling again.